All you mothers know exactly what I'm talking about. Picture this, you try and try to get pregnant and then you finally turn a positive pregnancy test. After taking about 5 more tests (just to be sure that pink + you saw was right), you then get into the groove of having a little human developing inside of you. You give birth, and then yes, those nurses allow you to take that little infant home. All by yourself. No round the clock care, no pediatrician coming in to make daily rounds making sure your little peanut looks perfect... just you, your husband, and your newest little love.
So you begin your new life. Caring for this new little life. Feeding, resting, changing, feeding, changing, feeding, changing.... you get the point. As you're trying to adjust into this new life style you question yourself. You doubt yourself. All you want for this child is to do everything perfect, but how do you know what 'perfect' is?
Something no one ever told me about was, the overwhelming Guilt that comes along with being a mother. I often times feel guilty about whether I'm doing the 'right thing', at the 'right time'. I'll never forget one of my very first 'guilty moments'. We'd only been home for a maybe two weeks, and Muffin was feeding every two hours. It usually seemed that she was always up to eat sometime around 5am. I sent my mom a text pretty similar to this "am I a bad mom that I rocked my baby girl back to sleep so I could go back to bed, instead of getting her dressed and ready for the day...and worry about sleep when she's napping?" Really? Looking back now, I think 'for the love of all sleeping creatures'... did I really think I shouldN'T go back to bed? And did I really think that 5 in the morning would be a sufficient time to get my child's day started? But Holy Moses, did I feel guilty, thinking I was just trying to rock my baby back into that milk coma just to get some rest myself. Rest assured, my mom put the sense back into my sleep deprived head stating that she needed the sleep, and that 5 was a little early to be getting any baby's day started.
And then there was another text to mom: "I feel guilty that sometimes when Amlin is awake, I just let her lay there with her eyes open and am not right there talking to her etc.... even though she's content and not fussing". Mom to the rescue again. Her response: 'She's fine, as long as she's happy. It's good for her to spend some time by herself, exploring and looking around etc.'
What about the time when we went in for her one month check-up and she'd only gained 5 ounces in 3 weeks (she had gained at her first weight check, which is why we hadn't been back to the doc's office for a bit) Yes, the tears started flowing. So now you're telling this new breastfeeding mom of 3 weeks that she's starving her child? Guilty
Drink a cup of coffee in the morning while still breastfeeding- guilty
Have an occasional glass of wine while still breastfeeding - guilty
Not read the weather report and dress her too warm / too cold - guilty
Let her sleep in her car seat for 5 minutes when we first get home from
daycare so I can get changed etc. - guilty
Things that I use to not think twice about making the decision for myself, have now become HUGE decisions since I'm making them for someone else. Some of the best parenting advice I received from a girlfriend of mine was this:
"you will receive LOADS of unsolicited parenting advice. Take from it what you like (if any) and discard the rest". She simply reminded me of this: the end of the day, I have to do what's right for our family. And although this may mean that I don't heed to the advice given by whomever, it doesn't make me any better or worse of a parent.
All we want for her is to be healthy and grow, be happy, and learn. Learn ethics and morals, learn love and compassion, be educated and productive. We'll do everything we can to be sure these goals are being met. Of course this may be a bit biased, but I truly believe there is not a more loved child in the whole world! And since I've now gotten FOUR whole months of parenting under my belt ;), I have learned to ease up on myself, and not feel guilty about every little thing. I'm/we (don't be fooled, I probably have one of the most involved/hands-on husbands ever... I'm so blessed!) are doing the best we can. And when we see faces like this, I'd say we're doing a pretty damn good job!
Love to al
Jacey
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